An exclusive interview with Mr McDou

The retrenchment wind has been blowing and the KPO Daily recently did an exclusive interview with the CEO of My Favorite Pork Group, Mc Dou.

Q: I heard your company is laying off staff. Are you undergoing a retrenchment exercise?
A: No, this is not a retrenchment. We’re just streamlining.

Q: Is this retrenchment and cost cutting?
Of course not, it’s just that we’re moving towards a leaner organisation. We are financially sound and have lots of money to burn.

Q: How many people will be affected, or retrenched rather?
A: All those who will be affected will be affected. I say again – there is absolutely NO retrenchment. My company is d*** rich and we can weather any storms. My butchers, chefs and all other staff are with me.

Q: How many butchers, chefs and other staff are you retrenching? What’re your compensation benefits?
A: I must say our benefits are competitive with the market rate. Oh oops…. I mean if we do retrench but since we aren’t, I can’t comment.

Q: Can we talk to one of your retrenched staff?
A: Of course not! You think I’m mad?!...ehem… I repeat, there’s absolutely no retrenchment! Which paper are you from again, you irritating fool!? I want to speak to your editor!!!

How suay can one get? – Faulty accessories and faulty service

My one-week old sony ericsson handphone couldn’t be charged all of a sudden this morning. The son was sick, of course mum was of course, very kan cheong. And so, she rushed down to one of the four sparsely located repair centres in wisma to have the boy checked. She was quite glad that was almost no queue. The service staff told her the fault lies with the charger BUT they couldn’t make a replacement today cuz they were stocktaking today. She offered to help charge the boy for half an hour to give him power that could last him for a day.

When mom went back to fetch the boy, the staff was out for lunch and no one else knew there was a patient resting at the counter, so they asked the mom to help herself. She reiterated the problem to a nonchalant staff who was serving a customer told her to come back to tomorrow and queue again. She was on the verge of using WTF in front of her son (bad education) when the first staff strolled back from her lunch.

The outcome? Come again tomorrow and look for her, no need to get in the line. And she strolled into the staff office.

Plans

I’m still full of germs, in my nose, throat and head. My friends said it’s the best time to tackle me (when my defence is down). But illness doesn't stop me from thinking...

Rumour has it that my company is retrenching, so I’ve had it all thought out (cuz even my boss advised me to look at recruit diligently)

If I’m one of those to disappear, I’ll:

• Make sure I can as many farewell lunches as possible (and spread them out through a course of 3 months while I look for another job)
• Ta pau some stationery from office
• Take some cup noodles from the pantry
• Stay at home and perfect the skill of cooking fish to outdo my mum
• Use the compensation $ to backpack to US and Canada, and set up a Chinese restaurant “Porky Express” to compete with Panda Express, earn enough $ and come back to Spore as a top 10 young entrepreneur
• Finally buy a laptop so i can finally update my facebook, apply for jobs and watch youtube.
  
  If I’m lucky/unlucky enough to stay:

• Try to push away or avoid workload re-distribution, and take my time to finish them
• Make an effort to find out why those who left, left
• Leave immediately when there’s good job offerSurf the internet in office

My mind is not blank

I can't think of anything today except this - plain bagel with philadelphia cheese spread... yum yum



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